This month I gave two talks on sex/dating. I got great feedback on both of them (though the Dating talk solicited more) and wanted to pass them along to other campus ministers to hopefully save someone some prep time in the future. Feel free to use them for whatever purpose you need.
Yesterday I summarized and gave downloadable notes/powerpoint from the Sex talk.
Today, the Dating Talk.
- You have to understand the sex/dating culture in which you find yourself to effectively fight upstream
College students live in a hook up and shack up culture.
- Hook up:
- Relationships are increasingly ambiguous
- “Romantically, the lines between just met, just friends, something a bit more than friends, “Talking”, “going out”, “dating”, being boyfriend and girlfriend, sleeping over, cohabitating, and relating like married people can seem like passing through a series of gradually darkening shades of grey.”
- “Such tendencies toward nebulous relations . . . leave emerging adult females [with] somewhat more investment than their male peers in getting clear on the nature of their relationships. But they also do not seem to feel empowered to demand that or to be up for challenging the larger amorphous relationships culture. Mostly they seem to simply go along and try their best to figure out what’s going on.” Souls in Transition
- Girls have been given the expectation that the very most they could or should expect from a guy is a hookup
- From an eye-opening article in the very secular The Atlantic magazine: “Is it any wonder that so many girls are binge-drinking and reporting, quite candidly, that this kind of drinking is a necessary part of their preparation for sexual activity? These girls aren’t embracing sex, all evidence to the contrary. They’re terrified of it.”
- I showed a short clip from the MTV show The Hills where Kristin and Brody (pictured above!) painfully demonstrate this. (Start at 14:20End 15:09)
- Shack Up
- The vast majority of college students believe that cohabiting is a smart if not absolutely necessary experience and phase for moving toward an eventual successful and happy marriage
- BUT – “Studies consistently show that couples who live together before they marry are more, not less, likely to later divorce than couple who did not live together before their weddings” – Souls in Transition
So what is the Biblical Pattern?
- Date to Marry (Dating is laying a foundation for a potential marriage which is obviously in contrast to our Hook Up culture)
- No Sexual Immorality. Love Mark Driscoll’s thoughts on this: “Girls if his interpretation (of the Bible) ends up with you naked in bed, I would argue that he may not be the most objective theologian. I’d go with my interpretation which is: dump him”
- Guys Initiate – from the first date, to DTR-ing, to setting physical boundaries
- In dating, the man is demonstrating his ability to lead, protect, and provide.
- The woman is discerning whether she will be well cared for and provided for, and whether she can follow his leadership. (I think that’s a quote from Mark Driscoll)
- I ended this section with a 7 minute clip from Mark Driscoll’s excellent talk on Dating (Start minute 35:28 – End minute 42:30)